Wednesday, February 3, 2010

It's Still Winter

Greetings to you, if there are any readers left. It's been a while since I've actually posted an entry. I've created many in my head and even wrote one I ended up deleting. I've mentioned before that sometimes when there's too much racing around in my head I can't get it out very well and that's been the case lately. We'll see what happens as I try to catch you up a bit before my next adventure begins.

So, six more weeks of winter, huh? That's what our furry little friend, Punxsutawney Phil, determined yesterday. (Isn't he cute??)

I remember the first time I realized that there were six more weeks of winter according to the calendar and it didn't really matter what the groundhog predicted. I was quite miffed as yet another myth came crashing down right along with Santa and the Tooth Fairy. But after living much farther north than Atlanta, I do see the merit for something to encourage the weather-weary inhabitants of true winter states.

I've seen a lot of snow this winter - more than I have in my whole life. And if I wasn't leaving tomorrow to fly to Orlando to celebrate Tiffany's birthday with her, I'd get to see another foot or two. But if the forecast holds true, I will return to even more snow at the first of the week. This was what it looked like outside our window last weekend.

This snowfall only brought 2-3 inches and it was so cold outside, I didn't even get out in it. But last night it snowed about 4 inches in a very short period of time and so around 11:30, Hamp and I decided to go on a short walk and enjoy the peaceful scenery. I got a few pictures, but between it being dark and trying to keep my camera dry, I didn't get many.

This is right outside the front door of our apartment looking down the street. The snow was so light and fluffy it stuck immediately to everything it touched.

Since we don't know where our next residence will be or when we'll be moving to it, we want to try and experience to the fullest where we are in this moment, thus the night walk in the snow. But I think a deeper benefit happened for me which is what I hope to be able to explain.

I've learned a lot in the past few years as I've journeyed the road of grief and subsequent healing. I knew about grief bumps and how they can set you back for a while, but it took me most of January to realize that's what had happened to me. I couldn't shake an undercurrent of anger nor the desire to see some of those who had played starring roles in this chapter of my life come to a painful demise and preferably at my hand. About halfway through the month, I read this excerpt from "Ruthless Trust" and just closed the book when I did.

"To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives - the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections - that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God."

I knew what I was reading was true, but I didn't want to keep doing the hard work so it would be true for me again. I forgot that when those grief bumps trip you up, you have to take the time to grieve again so you can keep going. I feel like I've been stuck in winter for so long with the hard ground keeping spring from coming. There have been glimpses here and there, but nothing long term that felt like a true transition into a new season. Then last night as I saw the stark beauty of the cold and snow on dormant life, I realized that was what hope and life looked like in my heart. They might be dormant, but they're still there and winter is working it's design to bring the most life out of the dark and cold.

So while it might still be winter, spring is coming. I don't know when it will fully arrive, but it is coming. I've shared with you several times how Steven Curtis Chapman's music and ministry have spoken to my heart. The song "Spring is Coming" has been one that's been an encouragement to me and if you'll click here you can hear it. I'll close with the lyrics for you to read before or after you listen to the song.

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its sun and the world lost its green to lifeless brown
Now the chill in the wind has turned the Earth hard as stone
And silent the seed lies beneath ice and snow
And my heart's heavy now, but I'm not letting go
Of this hope I have that tells me

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for
Soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won't be long now
It's just about here

Hear the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
Watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play
Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground
There's something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming (Out of these ashes beauty will rise)
Spring is coming (Sorrow will be turned to joy)
All we've been hoping and longing for (All we've hoped for)
Soon will appear (Soon will appear)
Spring is coming (Out of the darkenss beauty will shine)
Spring is coming (All of Earth and Heaven rejoice)
It won't be long now (Spring is coming soon)
It's just about here (Spring is coming soon)

I might have six more weeks of winter to get through, but I will get a glimpse of spring this weekend as I wing my way to the Sunshine State. I'm looking forward to some warmer temperatures, a trip to the Magic Kingdom for a day, and lots of love and laughter with two of the most amazing young women I know who live out these words every day. Spring is's just about here!


Glenda said...

This is one of your best blogs ever! So much to ponder. The good and the bad in this life are a mystery. I thought for many years the bad in my life had happened because I was so very "bad". I've made progress with the Lord's help. Still questions in my heart but they don't paralyze me as much. For that I am truly grateful. Thankyou as always for your beautiful transparent heart! You are a precious gift from God!
Have fun with the girls and remember..."Spring IS coming!" :)

Erin said...

What a beautiful, vulnerable post. I pray that you have a great time with your girls this weekend.