Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Reality Check

In one of my former lives not so very long ago, being up at this hour was normal for me. But more persistent than any phone or radio alarm, once again my body is dictating when or if I'll sleep. While sometimes inspirational and presently annoying, this illustration by Mary Engelbreit reminds me that life as I knew it has ended...and apparently it's bothering me more than I realized.

For the past two nights I have awakened somewhere in the 3:00 hour and not been able to go back to sleep.

My brain wakes up much quicker than the rest of me does and within seconds I'm thinking about what life may look like soon. Some of the questions I'm currently wondering about are:

Are we going to have to move out of state again?

How is this going to affect my Mom and her care?

Will we be near an airport so we can get to our kids easily?

How long will I have to drive with a GPS before I don't get lost?

Who will be the people in our lives a year from now?

While not the stuff rocket science is made of, these are some of the things that make up my life. And this list doesn't include things like having to leave friends and family and familiarity all over again.

Yes, it's possible that a job could become available in the Atlanta area and we wouldn't have to move. But initial feedback from Hamp's contacts aren't encouraging and the only interview so far is in North Carolina next Monday.

So we wait. Knowing God is faithful, but also knowing that sometimes we don't get to choose our paths. We've moved away before and can do it again if we have to, but in this pre-dawn moment I don't want to. Thus the conflict inside with the resulting sleeplessness. Too bad I don't look like Meg Ryan as I sigh.

1 comment:

Debbie said...

I can tell your heart is in turmoil. I know that you know God has it all in His control. Even then, as humans, we struggle with the unknown and it's fearful to us. Please know that I understand your feelings and your fears.....I have them also, just in a different set of circumstances. Praying that God will reveal His plan to you and Hamp clearly and that you will have peace in following His path.