Monday, October 27, 2008

I Have Issues

I am a first born perfectionist which includes being a people pleaser. A lot has been written and researched about the leadership qualities which are characteristic of most first borns, but I think I just have the ones that make life harder than it needs to be.

As you can imagine, as news has begun to get out that Hamp and I are going to be moving to Baltimore, there have been many different responses. (Should you not be aware of this breaking news, check out the last, which was the first, entry of this blog). I must confess to you most humbly that it matters very much to me what people think about me or because of me. I can give you all the reasons and even a couple of scripture verses as to why that's not biblical, but alas, it is still something I battle. Therefore, this past weekend found my stomach rebelling against the extra acid secreted from the stress in my soul over knowing others were either angry or hurting or confused because of our decison to move.

It must be said that Hamp and I first considered this option because of a door that God opened so wide we couldn't ignore it. Then as we began to think and pray about it, the adventure beckoned and we both got excited about it. On a totally random side note, I did find it interesting that the printing company in Baltimore is on Portal Street. Harry Potter found crazy life changes everytime he discovered a portal into another world and since there seem to be no lamposts to follow at present, this seemed the next best thing. As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing".

So in we've jumped, much to the astonishment of a lot of our friends and family and if truth be told, ourselves at times. Hamp is working in Baltimore this week getting acquainted with his job and I'm home soaking in the quiet time my soul desperately needs. As God quieted my heart this afternoon, he led me to a prayer that Brennan Manning prays in "Ruthless Trust" that expresses completely what I need but couldn't quite capture on my own. I'll close with his words and any "Amens" you would like to add on our behalf will be appreciated greatly.

"Set me free from self-consciousness, from anxiety about tomorrow, and from the tyranny of the approval and disapproval of others, that I may find joy and delight simply and solely in pleasing You."


Cynthia Cooley said...

I am very excited for the both of you and envious!! New everything!! We will be praying for all the details- Thank goodness the Lord goes before us- He already knows everything!!!

jon&katie said...

God says it is not necessary for us to know and to understand. It is enough to be assured that He has a plan and that we are included. Jill, you can rest in that certainty. Jon and I are excited as the Lord shows both you and Hamp a new path to follow!
GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE.............(Sorry)
I got a bit excited and started singing, pardon me!

Love you guys :)

Will Russell said...

Although it is true that it is hard to be away from family (mostly) and friends (some), you are right that the heart connections stay in tact. In fact, some of my friendships have gotten closer since my leaving for Africa and some new close friendships have opened up which were only acquaintances before. It's gonna be good for y'all! You can tell your friends and family that I said it - so it must be true!

Linda Wolden said...

When we moved out here from Calif. many years ago, leaving our family and friends, we knew it was God's leading us. IBM moved us, but it became very evident that God had planned it very specifically and IBM was merely a tool. Our friends and family missed us and we missed them terribly, and yet the relationships have not changed...we pick up the phone or go and it is as if we had never been apart. Sometimes, it was very lonely, and yet, I became closer to God than I have ever been and He did things in me and my family that never would have happened if we had stayed. What an adventure you have...God has a great plan for your "second half"...and He will surely reveal it more and more as you take this step of faith.
Love you guys and will miss you, but carry on...
Linda Wolden

Suzanne Mitchell said...

I have trouble understanding how anyone could be disappointed or angry with your decision. Sad, you betcha, gonna miss you - yep, but God is working in your lives and your obedience has to be making the angels cheer out loud.

I left "home" 26 years ago and like Linda said, you may leave the place, but the people stay in your heart. It is SO much easier today with email and cell phones - friendships can be sustained and family finds a way.

I just keep going back to that SCC song - "Saddle up your horses, we're going to ride today......"

your brother said...

Wise comments from the previous bloggers... If you got the part about being a worrier by being the first born, imagine being the third born in our crew! Once you and Hamp get transitioned and settled, you will find it to be a great journey that will be shared with your friends and family. God has provided this opportunity for you. It'll be fun to see why!

Glenda said...

Jill, I love your transparent heart! Thank you for sharing life with me, and with all who have been blessed to live this life with you, Hamp and your children. I see all of you as a shining light for Jesus, and I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that God has a very specific plan for you and Hamp in Baltimore! The miles between us after you move will not lessen the love I will always have for you dear friend!

Aunt Janet said...

As your sister, we both know you're not the only one with issues! I'm truly excited for you both and look forward to visiting you. I never thought I would be moving to Norcross either, but it seems the Lord has decided changes will take place throughout our family. I love you and Hamp both and am praying for you both to have peace during the next few months.

Erin said...

Oh Jill, it makes my heart sad that people would be mad or upset with you. This is an opportunity that GOD Has allowed! You cannot ignore that! Goodness, look at us...we're all the way over here in WA STATE!

I am so excited for you and Hamp! This is going to be great!

Anonymous said...

AMEN AND AMEN! I am not a first born but I too struggle with the approval of others. Your blog and ending prayer was just what I needed to hear today. You and Tiffany both have the gift of writing/blogging that makes you feel like you've just had a one on one conversation/visit with you. I admire your boldnss and obedience in walking through the door God is opening. I am so excited for you and Hamp to begin this new journey. And I look forward to sharing it with you through your blog. Love to your family,