I am a first born perfectionist which includes being a people pleaser. A lot has been written and researched about the leadership qualities which are characteristic of most first borns, but I think I just have the ones that make life harder than it needs to be.
As you can imagine, as news has begun to get out that Hamp and I are going to be moving to Baltimore, there have been many different responses. (Should you not be aware of this breaking news, check out the last, which was the first, entry of this blog). I must confess to you most humbly that it matters very much to me what people think about me or because of me. I can give you all the reasons and even a couple of scripture verses as to why that's not biblical, but alas, it is still something I battle. Therefore, this past weekend found my stomach rebelling against the extra acid secreted from the stress in my soul over knowing others were either angry or hurting or confused because of our decison to move.
It must be said that Hamp and I first considered this option because of a door that God opened so wide we couldn't ignore it. Then as we began to think and pray about it, the adventure beckoned and we both got excited about it. On a totally random side note, I did find it interesting that the printing company in Baltimore is on Portal Street. Harry Potter found crazy life changes everytime he discovered a portal into another world and since there seem to be no lamposts to follow at present, this seemed the next best thing. As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing".
So in we've jumped, much to the astonishment of a lot of our friends and family and if truth be told, ourselves at times. Hamp is working in Baltimore this week getting acquainted with his job and I'm home soaking in the quiet time my soul desperately needs. As God quieted my heart this afternoon, he led me to a prayer that Brennan Manning prays in "Ruthless Trust" that expresses completely what I need but couldn't quite capture on my own. I'll close with his words and any "Amens" you would like to add on our behalf will be appreciated greatly.
"Set me free from self-consciousness, from anxiety about tomorrow, and from the tyranny of the approval and disapproval of others, that I may find joy and delight simply and solely in pleasing You."